The Performance Monster: Barracuda Star Search 11 Feb 10

"A monster is a species for which we do not yet have a name, which does not mean that the species is abnormal, namely, the composition or hybridization of already known species. Simply, it shows itself [elle se montre]—that is what the word monster means—it shows itself in something that is not yet shown and that therefore looks like a hallucination, it strikes the eye, it frightens precisely because no anticipation had prepared one to identify this figure." —Jacques Derrida

Street Fantasies

Sometimes we take the fantasy out of the club and into the street. After last call at Barracuda one recent Tuesday night, Bianca del Rio, Dina Delicious, and I decided to pop into Unicorn next door on our way for a late night nosh at Cafeteria. We decided to mess with the counter person at Unicorn. Of course, Bianca had nothing but nice things to say about Ben Andrews while we were shopping for ... um ... personal items.

A year and a half ago, Cazwell decided to have a Burger King fantasy for his birthday. See if you can spot Acid Betty, Logan Hardcore, James Coppola, and Michael Formika Jones in attendance. I'd forgotten my camera; so I shot footage on my old cell phone. I whipped up a dub version of his song "All Over My Face" to go along with it. Check out the "All Over My Face" video directed by Francis Legge. Speaking of Francis, have you cast your vote for the 6th Annual Pill Awards? He's up for Best Director for another Cazwell video: "I Seen Beyoncé at Burger King." Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

We Went through the Bushes

Since it's freezing outside--well, less than freezing, technically--I found myself going through Fire Island photos from this summer. Don't get me wrong. I love New York City's snow-packed sidewalks. But since the radiator in my room isn't blasting its usual summer-like heat today, I was thinking about the gorgeous day I spent in the sand, under the sun, and with a few cocktails in hand. Of course, the Wonder Twin Brian Mills (pictured below) was there; so, there was fantastical fun to be drunk had.

We started off in Cherry Grove, where we went swimming, and then headed over to The Pines, stopping off at Daniel Nardicio's beach/party house along the way. We hiked through the bushes that The Village People told us to not go into in their song "Fire Island" because "someone might grab ya." No one did. But we did find a toxic looking lake along the way (above).

It was my first time there--yes, I was about to have my gay card revoked--so Brian was giving me the inebriated guided tour. My whirlwind day left me thinking that the island was but a sandier, seafaring Chelsea. I recognized so many of the usual faces in all the bars where we sampled their wares.

When we came back to Cherry Grove to see Porsche's show at The Ice Palace, the sun had set. Walking back through the Meat Rack, those bushes the Village People warned us about, was a bit Blair Witch Project because there was no light to guide us along the windy trail we'd followed. I was looking forward to the show--I'd worked with Porsche (pictured below, let column) for a while but had never seen her rock Fire Island, which she did. Logan Hardcore (pictured below, right column) came onstage to do a number, too. (Earlier that afternoon, at the pool at The Ice Palace, Logan had us laughing hilariously as she did Beyoncé's "If I Were A Boy," during which she serenaded a dildo).



After the show, we had a few more rounds on Brian's friend Richie's gorgeous boat tied up near the dock where the mainland ferry comes. So, there was plenty of time to run to catch the last one back. Since it's Christmas this week, I'm including this shot of a the perennially lit "tree" at a bar we walked through to get to the boat.

We Carry On (Despite The 2009 OUT Music Awards)

A certain amount of chaos attends any produced event. Finessing it does more that reflect prior planning; it douses whatever firestorm said chaos may spark in the event's attendees. Mismanaging it, as the people working the door for last night's 2009 Out Music Awards at Webster Hall did, left most people who waited up to 45 minutes to get inside hot under the collar despite the blustery night. I refused to let anyone disturb my night. I was there to accompany the fantastical Dina Delicious (pictured below left) and the gang to celebrate the year in LGBT music.

Apparently, however, no one seemed to know exactly where Dina's VIP list was. Each door person barked us toward another. Finally, we made our way inside, into the street level hall where the pre-show presentation was already underway. I managed to make out that Amanda Lepore didn't win Outstanding Video for "Cotton Candy" (although I'm not exactly sure who did) and to see Acid Betty's hair among the sea of people. Kyle, Demanda, DivaSteve, Heather, and I wandered about, lost each other, found each other again, and waited for King Ralphy and Dina to arrive. Betty said hi as she made her way to find some free booze.

My Wonder Twin Brian Mills (pictured above, far right) was texting me to tell me that he and Mike Diamond (pictured above, in the middle, with Jesse Archer) were on their way. Once Dina arrived, the list was still nowhere to be found; so she had to commandeer some OMA Special Invited Guests passes for us to get to the balcony. No worries, we thought. We'll just get situated, toast the evening with our bottle, and enjoy the show.

Once upstairs, we discovered that there were no VIP vodka bottles. At least we weren't told we had to move like the people seated in the first three rows by the stage. Even though they were not marked reserved, these seats were meant for presenters and performers, like Kevin Aviance (pictured above, with Dina). The show itself had its own mishaps, with microphones selectively working and video screens sometimes listing a different award than the one being presented.

Two highlights of the evening that we witnessed: a Gay Hip Hop Evolution performance featuring Tori Fixx, J.R., Mack Mistress, and Da Fresh Geex; and Acid Betty bumrushing the stage when Chelley lip-synced "I Took the Night." I wish I'd been able to get a good shot of Betty. I was laughing too hard, not only because she took the stage from Chelley's "Night" but also because of Chelley's false start. She was nowhere on stage when they first started the song; but her vocals were. I was also happy that Jasper James won for Outstanding Single of the Year for "Rocket." Check out the video, which made it onto MTV, here:

We were excited to see Kevin Aviance receive his Lifetime Achievement Award. I also wanted to see the late Willi Ninja honored with the OUTMusic Icon Award. (America's Next Top Model regular Benny Ninja was in the house, no doubt to accept the award on his behalf). But we were feeling deflated since half of VIP had trickled out already and rows of empty seats below were looking up at us. Dina and I decided to go hit the VIP after party at the Grace Hotel before the show actually finished.

We were greeted by the gorgeous AlieNation duo (featured in Vogue magazine) who threw their suction cup arms up against the elevator doors. Later, as we sipped our cocktails at the bar, we noticed that AlieNation had jumped into the pool. Their arms looked like tentacles as they hypnotically drifted about. We shook off the Award show with a few more rounds and bonded with new friends over stories of our night.

I wanted to go to Amanda Lepore's (pictured below, with Dina) birthday party at BONBON. So Dina and I hopped in a cab. It was so packed that we could barely make our way through the crowd to find Amanda. Along the way we saw Ladyfag, whom I congratulated on her Best Host/Hostess Glammy Award.

Also there was Celso (pictured below with someone she was saying hello to at the time), grooving to a set of 80s electro funk. The synth driving Shannon's "Let the Music Play" slapped me as it always does.

I lost track of Dina for a bit but found two Danny's (pictured below) I hadn't seen out in a while. I also said hi to the rest of my De La Blanca family who was there. I found Dina, too, at a back table with Demanda, DivaSteve, Heather, Kyle, and Tiana.

After a bit, Dina wanted to go to Barracuda. Kyle (pictured below right), Dina, and I cabbed it over. Kyle got us a round of Stoli O shots. I'm not sure when Kyle disappeared or when Logan Hardcore (out of face) and Bianca Del Rio (still out from hosting karaoke at Splash earlier) appeared. Next thing I know it's last call, Logan's going home, and Dina, Bianca, and I are headed over to Cafeteria for a late night/early morning stomach sponge, or what some might call breakfast. Another complimentary round came to our table with our wonderful waiter named Cash, who was Indian; so, of course, Bianca told him how much she loved him in Slumdog Millionaire. Much to our delight, our carrying on about anything and everything seemed to annoy a senior and his several-generations-younger date. After all, Cafeteria is known for its quiet candlelit moments after last call. Then, suddenly, it was almost 6:00 a.m. I had to get a couple hours' sleep before talking to an NYU class about Michael Jackson. I bid Dina adieu to beat the sun home.

Through the Looking Glass

We walked through a translucent glass door with round, clear "eyes" and a "mouth." It was like parting a ski mask, going through this looking glass into the Happy Ending lounge. We were there to support my best friend Craig Seymour, who was taking part in the monthly Sex Worker Literati reading series sponsored by Hos, Hookers, Call Girls, and Rent Boys, an anthology and sex worker web site.

Craig read from his fantastical memoir All I Could Bare: My Life in the Strip Clubs of Gay Washington D.C.--and I'm not calling it fantastical just because I'm in it. As he read, he showed some of his photography from American Boys: a strip club diary, which you can preview and buy here. After a few rounds, Craig and I headed over to Campus Thursdays at Splash. It seemed appropriate to go watch underwear-clad boys dancing on bars. It was Campus Thursday's Britney birthday party, with $5 vodka drinks every time one of her songs came on. Craig and I soon grew restless, though, because there was no Brit to be had for quite a while.

So we headed over to Barracuda to watch the Star Search competition hosted by Peppermint (pictured above, with contestant Miss Kitten with a Whip to her left). The gang was all there: Kyle, Rudy, Jane Lane, and Cherry Jubilee were close to the stage. Yuhua and Demanda came after they were done with their show at Boots and Saddle. Miss Kitten served an impressive number with seven costume changes; but it was all about the showdown between Sheneeda Drink (pictured below) and Logan Hardcore. Week after week, the two tie and split the prize money.

Sheneeda did a timely number dressed as a more-than-pissed-off-by-marriage-inequality Lady Liberty. She set aflame a symbolic marriage license. Logan (pictured below) worked then doffed her leopard-print Snuggie and gave birth before doing her trademark acrobatics: handstands, flips, and splits in some fabulous new black stilettoes.

Peppermint closed out the contest performing "Whatta Man" by Salt-N-Pepa and En Vogue. Then, came the moment of truth. "One lucky queen," Peppermint explained, "is going to pay her phone bill." The crowd screamed, hollered, and cheered to vote for their favorite. Decibels ahead of the other contestants, Sheneeda and Logan waited patiently for Peppermint to announce Sheneeda the winner. Logan had her four Glammy Award nominations to keep her warm. I can't wait to see how many she wins tomorrow night.

There Was No Guest List Last Night!

It was cold and I was tweeting Logan Hardcore on 57th Street, outside Providence. She Facebooked me to say that she'd put me on her list; but according to Giovanni, the doorman, Logan didn't give him any names. Moreover, he explained to me, she gets one guest when she arrives, and she had one with her when she walked in. Giovanni just should have said, "Miss Thing, there is no guest list tonight!" No worries. I was already less than impressed by the way they only let three people trickle in at a time at 10:20 p.m. because, of course, the place must have been packed. We were lined up that early for the open bar. It was over at 11; and we're on a budget. OK?

I texted my Wonder Twin Brian Mills (pictured below) and suggested that we meet at Therapy instead so we could visit Miss-ter T-Boy, who had us shimmying at our table to Janet Jackson and Kelis--and toasting him when he sent over a bottle of champagne. Brian brought Chris (pictured farther below, with Brian in front of the blue van) along for the fantastical Saturdaying we were about to get into.

Baby Jane (pictured below) was back in town, apparently having survived Thanksgiving with the family, and texted that he was off to Eastern Bloc. We finished our drinks and hopped in a cab. I thought it best not to look as the cabbie weaved through traffic to his own soundtrack. Very loud 2Pac. With some bass that we could feel.

Epiphany (pictured below) was there, too, out of face. She came with her own Gladware® and fork. She needed some Thanksgiving leftovers to nosh on between drinks.

Johnny was a' go-going. We talked about how excited we are about throwing a new party at Uncle Charlie's new Lower East Side location on Thursday December 10th. I even joined him on stage and swung around the pole.

After a few more rounds, we decided to head over to The Cock. And I decided to point and click away along the way.

It was Saturday and after 2:00 a.m. in the East Village. Where else were we going to go? Plus, we wanted to check out Ernie Cote's party in the basement. On our walk over, we came across a blue van.

Perhaps emboldened by surviving the cab ride earlier, Brian decided to run out into traffic on Second Avenue. Or maybe it was that last drink at Eastern Bloc.

The Cock was packed and I was groped on my way to the bathroom. We had a drink downstairs with Ernie and danced in what room we could find on the main floor. I can't tell you what was playing or when Brian left. Or what happened to Chris once we went outside looking for Brian. I found myself in The Urge, closing the night out. On my way home, I stopped by Punjabi to grab my usual bowl of saag and rice. I don't even have to order it anymore.

Apparently, after I was done eating, I took ten self-portraits. I love waking up and going through my camera. I always find surprises.