They Won't Let You Down, They Will Not Give You Up

I was racing upstairs from the bar. I thought I could get another round before Sherry Vine and Epiphany (pictured above) started their weekly installment of The Blonde Leading the Blonde at Vlada. I was wrong. They'd already launched into George Michael's "Freedom," harmonizing their way through the chorus.

I took my seat next to King Ralphy, Kyle, Baby Jane, and Eric Halliwell, sipped my cherry vodka, and snapped away. The second verse dissolved into mute smiles. By the time they found their way back into another chorus I wondered if I was only on my second round, after all. Watching them stand on stage without singing or moving seemed like a Dada happening, a kind of anti-performance performance. After the number, Sherry explained to the crowd, "We promised you new songs in 2010. We didn't say they'd be well rehearsed."


We all clapped and cheered. Sherry and Epiphany singing together is a fantastical treat, no matter how the songs come out. Or, if the microphones sound a bit muffled like they did Wednesday. It's not because the show is the only one in New York with two queens singing live. It's because the rapport they share is palpable. Just like every week, Wednesday's show was so much fun. Sherry introduced their signature encore Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart"--"whether you want one or not," she joked--well before I was ready for it to be over. And that's not the vodka talking, or the Jack Daniel's in Epiphany's inspiration below.

Sherry didn't perform her parody of Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance," "I Sh!t My Pants," which as of this posting has over 1.8 million hits on YouTube; but DJ Johnny Dynell started off his set with it after the show. Stay tuned to PhDJNYC.com. I'm going to have a remix of it posted here soon.

B*tch You Betta!

"If I didn't grab a promoter," Scott Anthony (pictured below right) told me once I pulled him up onto the table I was standing on, surveying the sea of people, "I wasn't sure I was going to get in." I'd seen Vandam's line when I peeked outside earlier. Now, I wasn't moving off this table because I wanted a good vantage of the back area where Jonté (pictured above) was soon to perform.

I'd popped down briefly to greet my de la Blanca sister Celso (pictured above left). It took me quite a while to squeeze my way back. Despite everyone's relative immobility, the crowd was happily grooving to DJ Johnny Dynell's set. Dirty Martini (pictured below) was not only shaking her money maker; she was shaking her money, too.

Kenny Kenny (pictured below) perched himself above the fray, near the DJ booth, to give everyone a gander of the fantasy he was serving that night.

But the entrée that night was Jonté. There was no room for dessert. His fantastical set showcased tracks from his upcoming CD that he was just promoting in Japan. Vandam doesn't have a proper stage; and Jonté is petite, even when sporting pumps. Still, amidst the hundreds of people and the wave of cell phones and cameras held above them recording the moment, Jonté popped. Most of us couldn't see his legwork--except when he broke into his standing splits, with his legs in a straight line perpendicular to the floor--but you could feel it. He moved so quickly and cleanly that I could barely get a shot in focus. Vocally, he was giving me Jamie Principle. Choreographically, I wanted an extended break with verses and background dancers to the side so that Jonté could rule the stage alone. The seemingly effortless poise he has deserves to be admired apart. Nevertheless, he had me gagging when he did a a little of a spaced-out version of Vanity 6's "Make Up." For the rest of the night, Jonté had me singing his cuts "Ya! Who?" and "B*tch You Betta" no matter what was actually playing up or downstairs.


I wasn't the only one left inspired. After the show, I made my way over to get some shots of the always c*ntational Jordan Fox (pictured below), who was working the hell out of her powdered wig look. Jordan said that tonight was a preview of the coming year, which she's going to amp up: "2010 isn't about hosting parties. It's about performing, like Jonté." I can't wait.

All I Want for Christmas Are Fantasies

I was still recovering from Saturday so I was a bit sluggish getting ready for Vandam. By the time I arrived to wish Eric Halliwell (pictured above right and below) a happy birthday, everyone had  gone through his bottle. Demanda Dahling (pictured above left) pointed this out to me after we said hello: "Fantasies, fantasies, fantasies everywhere ... but not a drop to drink!"

We weren't completely parched, though. Eric had drink tickets that we made use of after we danced to DJ Johnny Dynell, who dropped Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You" into his set because 'tis the season, after all.

Nancy Nosecandy (pictured below) was there to usher in Eric's new year. She was giving me a heroin chic fantasy.



My Wonder Twin Brian Mills (pictured below) was about to leave, too, since he was at his third event of the night. Of course, there was time for a photo-op, here with Mike Diamond. Brian and Mike got some of me and Brian with Michael Solomon.

But the Most Trippy Fantasy of the Night award went (again) to the fantastical Matthew Heresy (pictured below). Well, his was trippy in more ways than one when he fell in the room above the DJ booth where we were partying and told me after he recovered that it was his third spill of the night.




I went to the downstairs bar to enjoy a tequila sunrise and enjoy the throb of the House of Gypsies "Sume Sigh Say" that DJ Will was playing. I said hi to Epiphany, there closing out her night after, according to her status update, she "worked way too hard tonight and covered 400 miles of ground between 4pm and 2am, learn that hookers!!!"

I said hello to Astro, whom I hadn't seen out in forever, then made my way back upstairs with Nancy Nosecandy. I danced a bit with Heather MissPixie to a remix of Gossip's "Heavy Cross." But I was losing steam and soon made my way home.

Nightclubbing: We're What's Happening

I'm still digesting Grace Jones almost five months after her fantastical performance on July 30th at the Hammerstein Ballroom. Luckily, it was my third time seeing her. This time, however, I reveled in a 61-year-old serving eight costume changes with mischievous delight--one of those outfits was a burst of flame that only covered her front as she revealed when she turned around to show her naked body behind it--while bounding across the stage with a commanding energy missing in some a third her age. She chatted with the crowd about how sex brought her back to recording after a 19-year break that could have been her retirement from making new music. She hit her stage marks so that lights and wind would set her just so. She nailed her now 32-year-old standard, her torch song take on Édith Piaf's "La Vie en Rose," with such vulnerable intensity I teared up.

Her stunning showmanship, Grace reminded us bilingually, en Rose, is not artifice. It's a personal communication, uncluttered by background dancers or routines. Her performance was precise, even when a fan unfurled a cape that spread across the stage during "Hurricane," the title track re-recorded for her new CD. I'd seen her perform a different version the number before, without so much ferocious fabric, over a decade ago at the 9:30 Club in Washington D.C. She opened that show with the white label bootleg remix of "Hurricane" by Peter Rauhofer that I bought from 12" Dance Records and still have after, even shedding so many records with each move. In D.C., she explained why the Tricky-produced album that the original "Hurricane" was supposed to appear on was never released: "We went way over budget."

At the Hammerstein, though, Grace was palpably different. Her ferocious joy was intoxicating. She was chatty with the crowd and thanked everyone who dressed for the occasion: "I appreciate an effort." So do I. That's why going out these days is so much fun--and why the sway and swagger of Grace's "Nightclubbing" was echoing in my head all yesterday, thinking about my Sunday out all over town. The disarming nightlife pageantry Grace sings about, the we who are "what's happening," congregates each and every Sunday at Vandam to show off new looks and get down. They're dancing to a faster tempo, though, at least until a camera comes their way. Included in the sea of paint and lights this past Sunday were (pictured from left to right) Demanda Dahling, Eric Halliwell, and Nancy Nosecandy.

Also there was Kyle (pictured below, with and without a new friend). We were all dancing to DJ Johnny Dynell who broke into some late-night disco, including Sylvester's "You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)" and Odyssey's "Native New Yorker," which I never grow tired of hearing. Everyone was, as the song goes, "dancin' closer and closer / making' friends and findin' lovers."

Dirty Martini (pictured below) was a-go-go-ing her heart out atop of the couches by the front wall. Soon enough, I found myself dancing on one of the glass tables near the back, where Jordan Fox and a group of friends were draining a bottle.

Earlier, I was downstairs, working up a sweat under the leaves, where Ladyfag was holding court. Vandam was my last stop Sunday night--well, Monday morning. Before, I had gone to see Sherry Vine (pictured below) at Barracuda. She had just landed from her whirlwind tour of Germany and she was "dehydratina," as she explained, sipping away at her Jack Daniels between numbers.

Not only did Sherry do her Chanukah song, she showed her new parody video for Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance," which Sherry calls for those who have delicate sensibilities, "I Sh!t My Pants." She warned us that unlike Gaga, who had $1 million and a week for her video, Sherry had $1.99 and six hours. No matter. It was hilarious--and not because I was taking advantage of Barracuda's two-for-one drinks before the show! I don't want to ruin it with any details. She said that it would be up on YouTube and Facebook by Wednesday. Check then.

I started off the night at The Stonewall Inn, too late to see Jacqueline Dupree, as I'd wanted to, but early for Porsche (pictured above), who was back in New York, finally, after weeks of taping The Wanda Sykes Show in L.A. She talked about meeting Megan Mullally, whose Karen Walker character for Will & Grace Porsche is known for doing onstage, and said Megan was "an absolute fucking doll." Porsche also told the crowd that she'd missed New York, "where we can drink until 4:00 a.m." Amen. Somehow that didn't make the Reasons to Love New York '09 New York magazine cover story. Editorial oversight, clearly.

Chase Them Down Until They Love Me: Glitter, Glitterati!

A fantastical night out bears physical remnants. Sometimes it's a hangover. Today, I awoke to find glitter and confetti all over me. Just as sparkly was Epiphany's smile as she swept into G Lounge for the weekly Küte party. I'd come by to say hi and to accompany Jane Lane, Jonni Rendi, and Yuhua to Barracuda, for my weekly dose of The All-Live Sherry Vine Show. Sherry (pictured above) never disappoints. She gave us all the dirty parodies we needed, including her takes on Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" and "Bad Romance," "Papa, You're a Nazi" and "I Sh!t My Pants." She told us that she's filming a video for the latter poop-fest this Wednesday and that she'll premiere it during her next Barracuda show in two weeks, when she's back from Germany. The crowd cheered--well, everyone except for Cherry Jubilee (pictured below).

Cherry was playfully heckling Sherry, making me laugh as much as Sherry did. "Why must I endure this," Cherry sighed into my ear after Sherry's first couple songs, just before she asked me to pass along postcards for The Glammy Awards Show hosted by Sweetie next Sunday December 6th at Splash. After the show, Jane (pictured below) was texting, calling, and conferencing with Rendi about what to do next: Hiro or Vandam.

I chose Vandam and zipped there in a cab. Upstairs and downstairs were packed, with everyone club dressed to impress, working the floor like a runway. Camera flashes complemented each floor's light show, quickened the pulsing beats.

Upstairs, DJ Johnny Dynell was working everyone into a lather. That's where I found Nancy Nosecandy (pictured below), Kyle, and Demanda Dahling. It's also where I accumulated the glitter and confetti that's now all over my bed.

We roamed and sashayed the floor, said hi to Epiphany, who'd come down once she was done at G Lounge. Nancy and I shaked our groove thangs to the 12" version of Sheila E.'s "The Glamorous Life." Kyle (pictured below) sprayed the crowd with silly string.

We made our way to the room overlooking the DJ booth and the floor. Demanda (pictured below) gave everyone a show.

I was tired since I'd only fully recovered from the night before while on my way to G Lounge. So, after making the rounds up and downstairs, where I finally saw and said hi to Ladyfag by the bar, I decided to head home.