I actually like awards shows, no matter how long they dawdle about, through seemingly endless categories and performances. I've set VCRs, TiVos, and DVRs to record them. I've re-watched the bits that I liked. I've used those moments to chart nosedives and breakthroughs in movie and music careers. Cherry Jubilee's Glammy Awards are no different. They're sort of like the Golden Globes, where everyone involved with a certain project sits 'round a table boozing it up. We do, too. I was with Glammy nominee and presenter Dina Delicous and my Wonder Twin and the maestro of the launching-on-December-12th Fierth.com site, Brian Mills (pictured above). Also at our table were Gay Socialites King Ralphy and Charles Winters.
Brian and I moved into the front-row fray of camera-wielders (us being two of them) to get a good gander at the fantastical performances. One was by Sahara Davenport (pictured above). Before Sahara took over the stage, Glammy Host Sweetie admitted, "She's one of my favorite performers in New York because she's just not afraid to come out and do whatever the fuck she feels like." Indeed, she wasn't. She started off with the theme song to RuPaul's Drag Race since she's a contestant on its second season; then she tore through a club mix that included Mary Mary's "Shackles." There were enough splits, leaps, hair twirls, and arm and leg extensions that presenter Bebe Zahara Benet said afterward, "I almost felt close to the Motherland." I couldn't tell if the "kinda, sorta" that Bebe added to that praise like a punctuation mark was a clarification or a dig.
Best Male Performer Cazwell (pictured below, with director Francis Legge) was clear about the fun he was having. He explained in his acceptance speech (above) that "I've had a smile on my face since I walked in the door." He also followed in Acid Betty's pumpsteps by proclaiming, "I fucking love the Glammys."
I did, too, Caz. That's why I'm presenting my own awards for the evening below. It's my small way to give back to a fantastical evening. The awards follow pictures of the winners.
BEST SAVE FROM A FALSE START
-- PEPPERMINT
Her dancers lined up. Peppermint took center stage. The beat to her song "Working Girl" kicked in. Peppermint talked to us. We couldn't hear a thing she said. Sure, the crowd laughed when she made a "cut" motion with her hands and stage-whispered to the crowd, "Hold on." But after going to the DJ booth and finding out that something wasn't turned on, Peppermint laughed it off: "Oops. My bad. I'm ready if y'all are ready. Y'all ready?" The crowd was.
BEST ADDITIONAL HEIGHT
-- MISS-TER T-BOY
Glammy nominee T-Boy rocked his own black leather take on the vertigo-inspiring Alexander McQueen pumps that Lady Gaga sports in the "Bad Romance" video. I joked, "You could be a little taller tonight, you know." T-Boy's fierce looks and onstage force is why Acid Betty thought T-Boy was going to win Alternative Artist, not her. Betty said that T-Boy is one of her favorites. He's one of mine, too.
BEST. VERBAL. PACING. EVER.
-- AMANDA LEPORE
Whenever Amanda Lepore speaks. She knows exactly when. To stop. And pause. I wanted. Her to host. So that I could. Hear much more. Of her. On the microphone. And I'm not just giving her. This award because I loved Amanda for years. Before I had the opportunity to DJ a couple times. For her and Cazwell's Go-Go Idol Contest. At Boysroom. The second of those nights. I had her and Cazwell cutting a rug on the dance floor. All night. One of her friends. Kept running up to ask. What I was playing.
BEST SAVE FROM A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION
-- ERICKATOURE AVIANCE
Sure, Erickatoure won the Best Dance Performer Glammy; but she was serving her own Janet Jackson nipplegate while performing her song "My Pumps." As she strutted to and fro--in pumps, of course--her poof of a skirt kept slipping down to reveal some areolae that, unlike Ms. Jackon-If-You're-Nasty's, were not covered by nipple piercings. Erickatoure kept working the floor and adjusting her look as if the mishap illustrated the lyrics of her song: "You can't bring me down / Don't you sit and hate / Just congratulate." Yes.
BEST MEA CULPA
-- EPIPHANY
Epiphany's unprompted expression of gratitude to all of us working in New York City nightlife--she didn't win either the Entertainer of the Year or Best Vocalist award she was up for--came when she was onstage presenting another award. It was coupled with her admission that she had been less than kind to some of us. This was rare realness in a group priding themselves on serving all kinds of it. Epiphany made me so mushy inside that I wanted to scream out, "I fucking love the Glammys," too.
BEST INCONSPICUOUS EXIT AFTER NOT WINNING AN AWARD
-- WITHHELD
If I named all the winners for this category, they'd no longer be inconspicuous. I'm sure they were all off to paying gigs.
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